Up Beer Creek with a Paddle

It’s a lump of wood often shaped like a kid’s cricket bat or a mini tennis racquet. Cut a few dents into its surface to hold a few over sized shot glasses and away we go. Instant microbrewery beer paddle!

Forget space travel or the motor car. It has to be the greatest invention of the twentieth century. Just has to be.

Think about it. You walk into a microbrewery for the very first time and you’re not that familiar with their beers, yet the first thing you have to do is decide what beer(s) to try. In very basic terms you’re looking at a range of beers from light/pale lagers/pilsners, to brown ales, to full bodied stouts.

“Hmmm, what to try? I don’t wanna stuff this up.”

Enter that sturdy lump of wood answering all your beer prayers.

I don’t know who first took a jigsaw, a slab of wood and some small glasses and invented the beer paddle, but it is pure genius.

I’ve walked into one or two microbreweries for the first time where there hasn’t been a beer paddle and I am instantly disappointed. And here are some of the reasons why:

·         Unless I’ve managed to walk to the brewery (unlikely considering the location of many), I have driven there. Therefore despite how keen I may be to try all their beers (seems only fair) I simply can’t. So why did I bother even going?! The paddle should keep you under the legal blood alcohol limit for driving and allow you to try numerous beers.

Therefore the paddle is law abiding.

·         Unless you are intimately familiar with the beers on offer, you need to know which ones are worth drinking in future. How are you going to know without the ol wooden sampler known as the beer paddle? Read a book about them? Drink 6 pints with the car outside running? I don’t think so!

Therefore the paddle is wise and all knowing.

·         Assuming you have visited the brewery with a friend or loved one you can enjoy the paddle drinking experience so much more than just ‘having a beer’. Like a true beer snob you can start with the lighter brews and work your way to the darker ones. As you go you can share your comments and thoughts of each one with your drinking partner / loved one. Brilliant!

Therefore the paddle is good for personal relationships.

·         Once you complete the sample of beers on the paddle you can then hit the bar and buy a pint of your favourite. Or as is often the case, your favourite three or four. This is far more cost effective than working through the beers drink by drink (assuming you haven’t driven to the brewery!).

Therefore the paddle saves you money.

·         If (god forbid) there are no beers really worth having after completing the paddle, then you have still completed the full microbrewery experience. You came, saw, tried EVERY beer and left. What more can you do for yourself, the brewery and even the town? How many pubs can you go in and say you drank every drop on offer? Good luck with that one!

Therefore the paddle is good for your health.

·         All good microbreweries offer simple but tasty food like wood fired pizzas. Order a couple of pizzas; slap a couple of beer paddles down and your table is pretty much hosting a party. I dare you not to stand back and take a cheesy photo with your spread in full view!

Therefore the paddle is aesthetically pleasing.

So folks. Nothing to do this weekend? Stuck for where to have a beer? Why not head to your nearest, untried microbrewery and discover the magic of the beer paddle. Might just be the best thing you’ve done!

Soon I will discuss some of the many microbreweries worth visiting out there.

Till then,

Cheers!…Prost!...Salute!...Kampai!